That time I fucked up my knee.

I was standing on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette and I noticed a car stalled out in the intersection. The dad was behind the wheel and a scrawny kid of about ten years old was trying to push-start it. Of course, Romanians, ever helpful were laughing and pointing at the spectacle. So, I went over and helped the kid push the car. I blew out my knee.

This was back when my health coverage had lapsed, so I was basically screwed. Fortunately, my father-in-law had a friend who worked at the local ER and gave him some cash to take a look at my knee.

Yep, just this cheerful.

Upon arriving at the ER, the first thing that caught my attention was the crowd of patients outside, still in their gowns, smoking and chatting. I thought that was a little odd, but even odder were the nurses feeding stray dogs at the reception desk.

Patient smoking outside of hospital.

The visit went something like this:

First I was put in a bed and given an I.V. of something. No examination, no questions, tests or x-rays.

Doc: "You have a pain in your knee?"

Me: "Yes, I was pushing a car and immediately felt a sharp pain that will not subside and makes it difficult to walk."

Doc: "Do you smoke?"

Me: "Yes, I do."

Doc: "Aha! You see what is happening? Every time you smoke a cigarette, the smoke is attracted to the weakest point of your body. In this case, your knee. The cigarette smoke is destroying your knee, only by quitting will the pain subside."

Me: "Thank you, Doctor, that is very enlightening."

Then the doctor pulls my wife aside and says to her in Romanian "Your husband is an American? He has probably eaten McDonald's in his life. This is why his knee hurts. Because of the fast-food in America."

This may sound a little weird to someone who doesn't appreciate the Romanian healthcare system, but I'm a big fan. The reason the healthcare system sucks is because the government sucks. The reason the government sucks is because the people suck. In a democratic society, the people get exactly the government they deserve,

I was having a conversation with a young lady who was just graduating med school here in Iasi. She was telling me that she wasn't feeling well because of some severe menstrual cramps. I suggest to her that she trying lying down in different positions to give her muscles that were under stress a break. She told me with confidence that muscles were not the cause of menstrual cramps. The problem was "the blood vessels grow into your uterus like the roots of a tree. The pain is caused when these blood vessels break."

I was also enlightened about another aspect of Romanian reproduction recently. My wife finally decided to get a vision exam to see if she needed glasses. When the optometrist told her that yes, she did need glasses. My wife was a little upset. Why? Because it meant she could never have a natural birth.

No baby for you!

Seems in Romania, a doctor will not allow a woman who wears corrective lenses to have a natural birth. Why? Because there's too great a risk to the mother that while pushing out the baby, her eyes may pop out of her head. I'm not making this up.